I want to tell you all the things I’m feeling, but there aren’t enough words. I want to let you know how painful it is for me to be around you, but it’s even more painful to be away from you. Braving the downpour just to walk beside you for 15 extra minutes, surviving through talking about dating and “I have never”, just to hear you laugh and make jokes. Watching you pick cards for Apples to Apples, being clever but calculating while choosing yours. I don’t ever think there will be enough words in any language in the world to explain to you just how much you mean to me. I don’t know why you stopped loving me. I though I was enough for you, more than enough for you. Every thought in my head eventually turns to you. Every song I hear reminds me of you. Every time I drive. Everywhere I go, everything I see, it doesn’t matter if you were there with me once or not, I always think of you. I miss holding you, I miss playing with your beard, I miss kissing you. I miss sleeping next to you and snuggling with you. If only you could see that this is worth another chance. I wish you would give me one. I wish you would give me anything, but instead I have to sit here and wait for the day when you love me again, and hope that it’s not too far away so I can stop suffering, so I can stop pretending I’m okay with everything. I’m not okay, I don’t think I’ll ever be okay until we can be together again. I just want to know why you stopped, what did I do? What did I say? Why did it just fade? What can I say or do to undo it? I wan to know what happened, what went wrong? I wish you loved me, like you did at some point. When I was everything to you, or at least most things. When you would be excited to see me, when you would pay attention to me, and never be reluctant to hang out with me. Was it that I hinted at something more serious? Did you get scared and run away? Did you get too caught up with bumps in the road.? How long did you fall out of love? Just the summer, or before that? Are you afraid of breaking my heart in the future? Was it a preemptive strike? I wish you only knew how heartbroken I really am now. I’m never going to be better, never going to be the same unless you are there with me by my side. I’d do anything for you, and I’ll never break your heart or leave you. I love you, and we are so perfect together. We are too close to give up, too close to stop now. I cry because a part of me is missing, I am no longer whole. I know it scares you, you think I have to be fully functioning and independent for this to be something you want, but that’s not entirely what love is. On some level you have to depend on each other. You make me happy like no one else ever has ever made me happy. Of course I don’t want to get over that. How could I? I don’t think you understand that I can be independent, I can be by myself, I can function and get through it, and be perfectly content with my life. I’ve only been doing it for a little over a week. I’m just so afraid I will totally lose you, that someone else will find you and snatch you up and you’ll be gone forever. I can’t lose you, I can’t let it happen. I can’t let you go because you are the one thing in my life that I can rely on, that I have fought so hard for. You are the thing I never deserved but I got it anyway. You are the thing that I wanted the most in my life and now that I’ve had it, I can’t let it go. “Comparisons are easily done once you’ve had a taste of perfection.” Anyone and everyone that I compare you to or comes up just isn’t good enough, because they aren’t you. They are never better than you, how could they be? You are the one thing that I want, you are my other half, my better half. I honestly truly love you. Everything about you. I wouldn’t trade you for anything. You make me, and my life, better. I just wish that you could love me, that you could want to be with me like I want to be with you. All I want is for you to tell me that you love me, and that this relationship and being with me, is worth everything to you. I feel as if I have lost everything, and there is no hope without you. I’ve lost my star, the one I always could count on, the one I looked to for anything, the one that gave me hope and comfort. I’ve lost my Evangeline.
