Don't Ever Look Back

Take my hand

Take the leap

Take the fall

If we get there at all

Take my heart

Take my mind

I’m ready to go

Even if we have to crawl

Take the chance

Live the dream

Fly with me

Or fall

Either way if we miss the train

With our backs against the wall

I’ll have you

And you’ll have me

Even if it’s not what we wanted at all

Take a risk with me

Your chances are the same as mine

Maybe together we can make it

Through the steady curves and the inclines

I wanna feel the ups

I wanna hate the downs

I want it in my body

The sweet taste of failure

I want to drown in the potential

Of everything being ripped apart

In one moment of despair

Wishing for a head start

I want a warning in your eyes

Of a day that will not come

I want an apology

For all the wrongs you’ve done

But even if I can’t have that

You can still take my hand

And we wont ever look back

Even after the glass runs out of sand

Teenage Dream

Why does love hurt so much? I mean seriously? It’s just too cruel for words. You just give and give and give until you can’t give anymore, and then in the end you find out that they didn’t even want you anyway.

Is this what I can just expect from now on? Should I even try anymore? Maybe I expect too much. Maybe it’s too much to ask to want someone who will care for me and be there for me and think that I’m the best thing in the world that has ever happened to them, someone to share all of my adventures with. I want someone to think I am the most important person in the world. I deserve nothing less than that, at least that’s what they tell me. They tell me I need to have someone who is madly, head over heels totally absolutely crazy about me and will do everything for me. I know it’s a lot to live up to, but supposedly it’s out there, people find it quite often. Or at least often enough to write songs and poems about and make movies about it and write books on how to accomplish it faster if you aren’t patient. I want one boy, one steady boy, one boy to be with forever and ever. One boy, that’s the way it should be…right? (points to you if you got the ‘Bye Bye Birdie’ reference)

Ugh, stupid Disney movies raising my expectations, not to mention boy band songs and Han Solo. All those things ruined it for me. I never stood a chance. Disney movies telling me to dream, boy bands telling me that they’ll always love me, and Han Solo for being so God damn perfect and badass.

I’m starting to think that boys don’t get it. Everything that you do, and don’t do, gets analyzed. To no end, and no effect or notice I’m sure. We know there is no point, since you guys do pretty much whatever you want anyway. Whatever you say gets interpreted, and whatever you don’t say we assume you don’t feel. Guys assume their thoughts and emotions get projected out of their minds and we pick up on it. But that’s not true. We are sadly not mind readers.

You know what I just read that made me feel like shit? This Cracked article. Not only after a few years of dating can it feel like you are being split in half and getting divorced, but you can also die of a broken heart. Ugh. I’m already prone to panic attacks, so this is just perfect.

I think what pisses me off the most is people when you ask how you know it’s true love, and their response is You just know. That’s bullshit. All those people who get divorced? They obviously knew right? And I thought I knew, I thought I knew every single god damn time, and for the most part I did, except the two, and those two suck. How are you supposed to accept it when you are so sure about it that you were wrong? I was so sure, so god damn sure, I still am sure. I think it’s all a lie, I don’t think anyone knows anything. They just tell everyone a lie of how they just knew, and everyone else goes on just knowing and no one really knows what true love is and what you do to get it and how to maintain it. Marriage used to be for wealth and status and negotiations and treaties…there was no love involved. It was a form of trade and property exchange, since women were property. How are we supposed to take love and force into that type of equation? Now that there are 6 billion people in the world, how are you supposed to find the One? There are probably a million of them, but what if you find that one in a million, the one who makes you feel the way no one else can. What if you want that one person? You don’t want anyone else? Not any other one of those million other people who you could probably do fine with and tolerate and reproduce a few good kids with…you want them. Does that make a difference to anyone anymore? Love is a choice. A choice that you make. You either go for it, or you don’t. You question yourself and your value, and boom, you are done. The moment you hesitate, it’s all gone. If you want to be the one for someone, then you can be, simple as that. Everyone wants to be unconditionally loved, be put first, be important, be needed by someone. Basic human needs. It’s whether you want to make the choice and put in the effort to be that someone’s somebody.

Why can’t I have that? Why do I have to keep trying and failing and wishing I could just have it? It takes work and dedication, why can’t someone match that intensity with me? Why can’t someone just be my puzzle piece? Where is my teenage dream? Why do I have to wake up every single time?

The Way Things Truly Go

After finding the perfect moment

To reach for a simple hand

To extend the fingers for your promise

Into a lovers land

When you love so hard it hurts

And expect nothing in return

You are forever happy from commitment

But that kind of love can also burn

A love let passion run wild

With sparks flying all above

And simple eyes beguile

But everyone knows what happens when you try to love

Through a heart it pierces

Just like a greedy bite

Because more than you can chew

Always seems so right

It never helps anything

When you get way too close

So when you love just remember this

The way it truly goes

The people waiting for the plane

Never miss their flight

And people walking down the steps

Continue into the night

The ones who throw people out

Always sleep alone

And the ones who leave into the rain

Never come back home

Those who try to make them see the light

Are always left in the dark

And the ones who love the fiercest

Always die of the broken hearts

Those who wait, walk and wonder

Are still there to this day

No one ever comes to save them

Before they go away

There are no last minutes

No sudden jolts of thought

No helpful strangers around

Giving free advice that should be bought

There is me standing here

Swallowing fear that stings so slow

But me walking out that door

That’s not the way things truly go